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I’m not Dead!

Hello, everybody! I have returned to this wonderful world of the internet in one piece, and, let me tell you, it’s scary out there in the real world. The news sounds something like this: “WAR! DEATH! MURDER! RIOTS! Uplifting story about a cute penguin! THE PENGUIN IS A SERIAL KILLER!” With all of that going on, I thought that I should make the first post of this new start something a little less heavy than it normally would be. Therefore, I give you a work of fiction. Enjoy.

This is a story about a little man who lived in a house. It was a nice house, with four walls and a roof. There was a door in the front and a door in the back, as well as a few windows he could jump through if needed. You see, this was no ordinary little man. This little man was a detective. His name was Little. John Little.

Now, you may be thinking “Why should I care about a little detective named John Little? I have things to pin and posts to like.” Well, there was something else special about this little man. He was a detective, but he was also certifiably insane. His little house was all in his head. He actually lived in a great big asylum, with about 300 of his closest friends. Well, more like 30 of his friends. Most of the inmates didn’t get along very well, so they din’t get to see each other very often.

Now, this little man in this great big asylum was walking into the cafeteria one day (the rules at this asylum were very strange), when he saw someone he hadn’t seen before. Being an eminently polite detective, he walked over and introduced himself: “Hello, my name is John Little. Who might you be.” The other man looked at him and replied “My name is Jesus Christ.”

Being a detective, John thought he should investigate this claim. “That seems illogical. Who told you that?”

“God did,” said the man.

From three cells down came the cry: “No I didn’t! Stop putting words in my mouth!”

“Well,” said John, “it appears that God did not, in fact, tell you you are the Christ. You must therefore be an eggplant, because eggplants are also not the Christ. Good day, sir.”

And they all lived happily ever after.


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